Ghosting, First Dates, and Not Saying 'I Like You' Wrong

Ghosting hits like a Tuesday rain

You text them. You wait. Nothing. Then three days go by and you check if your phone’s broken. It’s not. They just vanished. Ghosting — it stings, but it’s not about you. It’s about their rubbish ability to handle discomfort.

I had this happen after a third date with someone who laughed at all my terrible puns. Then — gone. No explanation. I checked my messages like a detective with no case. Turns out, she later told a mutual friend she ‘didn’t know how to say she wasn’t feeling it.’ Fair enough. But cowardly.

I used to take it personally. Now I don’t. People ghost because they’re bad at closure — not because you’re unlovable. Still — it sucks. The only response that works? Keep living. Send that stupid meme to your mate. Go to the gig. Don’t sit there staring at a blank screen hoping for a ping.

And if you’re the one thinking about ghosting someone? Don’t. Just say — hey, I’ve enjoyed meeting you, but I don’t think we’re a fit. Short. Kind. Done. They’ll probably respect you more for it.

First dates aren’t interviews — stop treating them like one

Met a woman once who brought a list of questions to our coffee date. “Where do you see yourself in five years?” “What’s your relationship with your mother like?” Felt like I was on the stand. I choked on a biscuit trying to answer.

First dates aren’t about extracting life stories. They’re about vibe. Are you relaxed around each other? Do you laugh? Can you stand the silence when the music dips?

My rule: pick a semi-public place with noise. A pub with booths. A market stall selling paella. Noise gives breathing room. You don’t have to fill every second. And if it’s awkward? That’s fine. Awkward is human. I once spilled olive oil down my shirt at a tapas place. She laughed — then told me she’d once sneezed so hard she peed a little during yoga. Bonded over bodily chaos. We didn’t become a couple — but we both left feeling like we didn’t have to perform.

Ask one real question — not the CV stuff. Try: “What’s something you’re weirdly passionate about?” Or: “What’s the last thing you did that made you feel alive?” Watch how they light up or shut down. That tells you more than their credit score.

And please — don’t rehearse lines. I did that once. “Oh, I just love long walks and travel.” Who talks like that? Be messy. Say “I’m actually a bit nervous” if you are. It breaks the plastic surface.

Love languages — not astrology, not magic, just useful

My mate Liam kept buying his girlfriend luxury candles. She never lit them. He was crushed. She said she just wanted him to text during the day. Turns out — her love language is words of affirmation. His is gifts. They weren’t failing. They were just speaking different emotional dialects.

This isn’t fluff. Try it. Not the quiz — the real version. Watch what makes someone’s face change.

Does she light up when you notice her new haircut — even if it’s just a trim? That’s quality time or words. Does he seem tense when you cancel plans last minute — even if you say you’ll reschedule? That’s acts of service. He’s not being rigid — he’s counting on it.

On a first or second date, toss in a tiny gesture. Not grand. Compliment something specific — not “you look nice,” but “that colour really suits your eyes.” Or if they mention a long commute — next time, send a voice note saying “hope the train wasn’t packed today.”

See if they reply with warmth — or ignore it. That’s data.

You don’t need to label it “love language,” but notice what lands.

First-date win: the 15-minute check

Here’s what I do now — if I’m on a date and it’s going flat, I give it 15 more minutes. Not trapped. Just — let it breathe. Sometimes the real talk starts after the third sip of wine.

But if after 15 minutes they’re checking their phone, giving one-word answers, or talking about their ex like they might reconcile — leave. Don’t wait two hours to be polite. Say “I’ve got to head off — really enjoyed meeting you,” and go. Your time matters.

And if it’s going well? Don’t panic. Don’t force the “let’s do this again” at the end. Just say, “I had a good time — fancy grabbing a drink next week?” Simple. No overreach.

Ghosting the ghoster

If someone ghosts you — don’t chase. Don’t slide into their DMs with “was it something I said?” They’ve answered. Silence is an answer.

The best revenge is zero contact. Not because you’re punishing them — because you’re respecting your own space.

I know — it’s tempting to stalk their Insta. Don’t. Open Spotify. Play that song that reminds you of that one night in Barcelona. Remind yourself you’ve lived whole stories without them.

Last thought

I’m not some guru. I’ve had dates where I talked too fast, over-apologised, and left convinced I’d never be liked. I’ve been ghosted. I’ve misread signals.

tbh — I still panic when my phone doesn’t buzz.

But the pattern I’ve noticed? The people who stick around — they show up. Not perfectly. But clearly.

Look for that.