Situationships: When 'We're Not Labeling It' Starts Hurting

English Version

So I was at a birthday dinner last month, and my friend Jenna kept checking her phone. Every time it buzzed, her face lit up—then fell when she saw it wasn’t *him*. Not her boyfriend. Not even close. Just this guy she’s been sleeping with for three months, sometimes three times a week, who still hasn’t introduced her to his friends or called her anything but 'babe' in texts.

Sound familiar?

That’s a situationship. And let’s be real: it feels something like dating, smells like commitment, but has zero of the receipts.

Like, I’ve been there. Two years ago, I was deep in one with a guy named Ryan. We’d have these amazing weekends—brunch, walks, even a mini-trip to Door County—but come Monday, radio silence. No plans. No 'good mornings.' Nothing. When I brought it up, he said, 'I just don’t want to rush into anything.' Meanwhile, he’s posting sunset pics with some girl from his spin class. Not even shady—just unbothered.

Red flag number one: inconsistency.

If they only show up when convenient—if your emotional needs always come second to their freedom or their 'vibe'—that’s not ambiguity. That’s avoidance.

Another big one: exclusivity without definition. Like, they’ll get mad if you talk to someone else, but won’t call you their partner. That’s control, not connection.

And please. Stop making up reasons for them. 'Oh, he’s just busy with work.' 'She’s been hurt before.' Nah. People who want to be with you find time. People who are healing don’t use you as a distraction.

I used to think if I just waited, smiled, stayed low-maintenance, it’d shift into something real. It didn’t. It just drained me.

So what changed?

I asked a straight question.

Not passive-aggressive. Not through a friend. I sat down with Ryan and said: 'Hey, I really like spending time with you, but I need to know where this is going. Are we exclusive? Are we building toward something? Because right now, I’m giving energy I’m not getting back.'

He stared at his coffee for like, six minutes.

Then said, 'I don’t know what I want.'

And you know what? That was enough. At least it was honest. I walked away that week. Felt like crap for ten days. Then lighter.

My advice: set a time limit. Three months, tops, of seeing someone regularly without a label? That’s long enough to know if they’re invested. After that, have a conversation—or walk.

Ask directly: 'Do you see this turning into a real relationship?' 'Are we exclusive?' 'Can I introduce you as my partner?'

If they dodge, laugh, or say 'I’m not ready but I like you,' thank them for their honesty and take space. Don’t let 'potential' keep you in purgatory.

And not all situationships are bad. My cousin actually met her now-husband in one. They called it a 'summer experiment'—no labels, just seeing if it worked. After six weeks, he said, 'This feels serious to me. I want to call you my girlfriend.' She said yes. They got engaged last winter.

The difference? Communication. Intention.

She told him early: 'I’m not looking to mess around. If this stays undefined past six weeks, I’ll need to move on.' He respected that. And liked her enough to step up.

So if you’re in one now—ask yourself: am I confused because it’s early… or because they’re not showing up?

Are you bending yourself to fit their uncertainty?

Write down what you actually need—daily communication, meeting their friends, commitment—and see if your situationship meets even half.

If not, you’ve got two choices: have the talk, or end the loop.

No shame in wanting more. No prize for suffering quietly.

I deleted his number. Sent a text to another guy I’d been ignoring because I was too busy hoping Ryan would change. We went on a real date. It flopped. Haha. But the next one didn’t.

And now? I’m with someone who calls me his girlfriend without being asked.

Turns out, that matters.

Definately.