Can I trust her after she married for a visa?

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Question

We were together for 3 years, then she said she needed to move to Canada for work. I supported her, even helped with some money po. Then she told me she had to get married for the visa. I was shattered, but she said it was just on paper, no feelings. We broke up, she went. Now after 2 years, she’s back. Divorced already. Says she realized she made a mistake and wants us back. She’s different—softer, cries more, says she’s changed. But every time she looks at me with those teary eyes, I remember how she signed that marriage contract like it was nothing. We talk every night now, it’s like that naman eh, the spark is still there. But sometimes she dodges questions about him. I don’t know if I’m just lonely or if this is real. Can someone really come back from that? I told her already I’m scared, but she just says 'I’m here now.' Does that mean anything?

Darren Lim · Answer

My ex did something similar, not the marriage thing but the 'I had to do it for opportunity' excuse. Stayed up nights wondering if I was just naive or just in love.

You already know the facts — she chose a shortcut through love. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel bad now, but regret isn’t the same as being ready to do better.

Ask her straight: Why didn’t she just end it *before* marrying someone? Why come back only after the visa path fell through? Her crying... it gets to you, I know. But tears don’t rebuild trust. They just show pain — hers, not yours.

I started making her answer questions with specifics. Not 'I changed' — but *how*. Made her write it down. Sounds harsh, but it showed me whether it was real or just guilt talking.

And take your time. You don’t owe her a second chance just because she’s back. My red flag? She needed you when going, then didn’t need you at all... then needs you again now.

Sit with that.

idk, maybe she’s different. But I’d meet her for coffee — not a reconciliation. See the version in person. Bring your spine, not your heart.

Can I trust her after she married for a visa?

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