His family’s cold — is it me or my passport?

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Question

We’ve been together 5 years, me a Malaysian Indian, him Singaporean Indian. His parents never invite me for meals, even when we visit the same temple. Always say they ‘already ate’ or ‘tired’. But when his cousin brought a local girl, they hosted a whole dinner. Aiyah, I try not to take it personally. Maybe they just like privacy. But then why ask him every week when he’s ‘settling down’? Like the clock’s ticking only if the wife’s local. He says they’re just old-school, not racist. But it stings. Last CNY, we went to their place, they gave him ang bao but didn’t even look at me. I smiled, said thanks, but inside... walao. He told them I’m serious, we might marry. Still nothing. Is this about nationality or just they don’t like me? I don’t want to be the problem in his family. But I also can’t keep feeling like a guest who overstays. He loves me, I know, but love not enough if family keeps door shut?

Layla Hassan · Answer

My auntie used to do the exact same thing with my cousin’s Filipino girlfriend. Same temple trips same ‘already ate’ excuse. We laughed about it later but yeah it stings — it’s not you. I’m Singaporean Indian too and honestly some of these older folks have this idea that only local girls ‘fit’ because of food habits or language. But here’s what worked for us: instead of waiting for invites my cousin just announced one day hey we’re coming over after temple Sunday bring extra roti. No ask just tell. His mum was shocked but cooked anyway. And after a few times it became normal. Try flipping the script — next time you’re near their place just text him parents hey we finished prayer wanna drop by for teh halia? Make it casual. Don’t force but don’t wait either. And if they keep making excuses maybe that’s info you need. One dinner with a cousin’s girlfriend but radio silence with you? That’s not privacy that’s preference lol. Doesn’t mean you’re not enough — just means their baggage ain’t yours to carry

His family’s cold — is it me or my passport?

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