how do i handle my husband saying he's into guys?

Q: Is it okay to go to bed angry?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/is-it-okay-to-go-to-bed-angry

Q: How to handle a partner who never apologizes

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-to-handle-a-partner-who-never-apologizes

Q: My partner shuts down during arguments and I end up talking to a wall

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-partner-shuts-down-during-arguments-and-i-end-up-talking-to-a-wall

Q: How do I tell my partner I need more emotional support without sounding needy?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-my-partner-i-need-more-emotional-support-without-sounding-needy

Q: How do I tell my family I don’t want marriage?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-my-family-i-dont-want-marriage-xqqtxs

Question

okay so last night my husband just drops this outta nowhere. we were washing dishes like a normal married couple and he says 'i think i have feelings for men.'  we’ve been married for 5 years. we have a kid now. i was so confused i didn’t even know how to respond.

he said he didn’t want to act on anything but that he’s been struggling with it for a while.  i didn’t sleep at all. i keep thinking back to our wedding, all our plans. we have an age gap—i’m 28, he’s 35—and i always thought that was the big thing we had to work through. never thought sexuality would be the thing to shake everything.

i love him but i feel like i don’t know him anymore. do i just accept this? am i supposed to be cool with it? i don’t want to shame him but i also don’t know how to deal with this without feeling hurt.

he says he still loves me and wants to stay married. but i don’t know what that looks like now.

how do you keep going when the person you married suddenly feels like a stranger?

someone please tell me they’ve been through this. i just need real talk.

Anonymous · Answer

Okay first — that would floor anyone. I remember my partner said something similar after we’d been together 4 years. I sat on the bathroom floor and cried, same as you probably did. It doesn’t mean the end, but yeah, it changes things.

Like, give yourself space to feel whatever you’re feeling. I stayed mad for weeks, then sad, then just numb. I wish I’d talked to someone sooner — I found a therapist who specialized in queer identities and marriage stuff. Helped me untangle my own feelings from his.

Ask him to sit down and really talk — not in passing while drying dishes. Where is this coming from? Is it attraction, curiosity, something he’s felt for years? My partner admitted he’d had crushes on guys in college but buried it. We ended up staying together, but we’re in couples counseling and I won’t lie — it’s been messy.

You don’t have to figure it all out tonight. But please, please get support. There’s a Facebook group called LGBTQ and Mormon-adjacent marriages — random, I know, but it saved me. You’re not alone...

how do i handle my husband saying he's into guys?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience