How do I leave when they wont stop misgendering me?

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Question

So I’ve been with my partner for almost 3 years and I came out as trans last year. At first they said they supported me, but they keep misgendering me. Like, constantly. Not by accident once in a while—multiple times a day, even after I correct them. They say they’re “trying” but it feels like they’re not really trying at all.

We have a kid together, which makes everything way harder. I dont wanna rip our family apart, but being called “he” and “dad” when Im their mom? It sucks the life out of me. I’ve brought it up in therapy and even asked if we could do couples sessions, but they keep saying its “just words” and that I’m being too sensitive.

Tbh I feel trapped. Every time I bring it up, they get defensive and shut down. It’s like my identity is a burden to them. And now I’m wondering, is this kind of thing a red flag or am I overreacting? I love them, but I cant keep feeling erased. How do you walk away from someone you love when they refuse to see you?

Anybody been through something like this with co-parenting? I need real talk.

Raj Malhotra · Answer

I've been in your shoes and I know how frustrating it is to be constantly misgendered by someone who's supposed to love and support you so I made a rule for myself that every time my partner did it I'd calmly say 'hey I'm mom not dad' and then we'd talk about it afterwards because just correcting them in the moment wasn't enough. Like, we needed to have a real conversation about why it was hurting me and how they could do better. So I think you should try setting some boundaries with your partner and explaining how their actions are affecting you and your kid - they need to understand that this isn't just about you it's about your whole family and how you want to be seen and respected by the people you love

How do I leave when they wont stop misgendering me?

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