How do I stop my mom from comparing my marriage?

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Question

So my mom won’t let it go. Every time we talk she brings up my brother’s marriage like it’s some perfect fairy tale. Like, she’ll say things like ‘Jamie’s wife cooks every night and never complains’ or ‘they go on vacations twice a year — why can’t you two do that?’ Meanwhile my husband works 60 hours a week and I’m burnt the hell out. We’re happy, but she keeps saying I ‘got the worst deal’ like I settled or something. Last week she straight up told me I should’ve waited for someone better. Like, what the hell? It’s not even about marriage stuff anymore — she compared our sex life once which was so beyond awkward I still cringe. I tried telling her to stop but she just says I’m being sensitive. My brother’s wife doesn’t even seem that happy to me but Mom won’t see it. I love my husband and I don’t need her tearing us down all the time. How do I make her shut up without starting a family war? I’m this close to blocking her on text

Luna Hernandez · Answer

my mom used to do the same thing - compare my relationship to my sister's and honestly it was super frustrating. i think what finally worked for me was just being straight up with her, like i told her how her comments were making me feel and asked her to stop. i also started setting boundaries around what we'd discuss when we hung out - if she brought up my brother's marriage i'd just change the subject or say i didnt want to talk about it. lowercase thing is, you cant control what your mom says but you can control how you react to it. so try not to take the bait and dont be afraid to tell her when shes crossing a line - it might take some time but hopefully she'll get the message

How do I stop my mom from comparing my marriage?

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