how do i stop walking on eggshells?

i used to laugh loud — like, really loud — before i got married. now i catch myself biting my tongue all the time. my ex-husband always said i was 'too much' — too emotional, too loud, too sensitive. so over time i just… shrunk. even now, dating this guy i kinda like, i pause before i text him anything. like i run it through this filter in my head — will he think i’m needy? will he roll his eyes? will he ghost? it’s exhausting. last week i almost sent him a joke i thought was funny but then i deleted it — what if he doesn’t get it? what if he thinks i’m trying too hard? i don’t wanna be scared to be me. but i’m so used to editing myself i don’t even know what’s real anymore. my mom says 'just be yourself' like it’s that easy. but it’s not. not after 7 years of hearing i wasn’t quite right as i was. how do you unlearn that? how do you just… speak without fear?