How do we bring intimacy back after kids?

Q: Is it okay to go to bed angry?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/is-it-okay-to-go-to-bed-angry

Q: How to handle a partner who never apologizes

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-to-handle-a-partner-who-never-apologizes

Q: My partner shuts down during arguments and I end up talking to a wall

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-partner-shuts-down-during-arguments-and-i-end-up-talking-to-a-wall

Q: How do I tell my partner I need more emotional support without sounding needy?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-my-partner-i-need-more-emotional-support-without-sounding-needy

Q: How do I tell my family I don’t want marriage?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-my-family-i-dont-want-marriage-xqqtxs

Question

We’ve been married 7 years and have two kids under 5. Honestly, I feel like we’re just roommates now. Like we pass each other in the hallway with a load of laundry and say “you got the baby last night?” That’s it. I miss touching him, I miss sex, I miss just talking without someone crying in the background. We used to be so close, stayed up late laughing, had these long weekends where we’d just lounge around. Now if we do talk it’s about who’s picking up the prescription or whose turn it is to deal with daycare pickup.

We tried “date nights” but they feel forced and we’re both so tired we end up arguing about nothing. I brought up therapy months ago and he said yeah but nothing happened. I dont even know if he notices it’s gone or if he’s just accepted this as how it is now. I’m not. I can’t just give up on that part of us. But every time I try to talk about it he clams up or says “we’re busy right now” like it’s a forever thing not a phase.

I just want to feel wanted again. Or at least like he misses what we had. Idk if that’s fair but I’m tired of feeling alone with someone I love

Amara Okafor · Answer

We hit that wall hard when our twins were toddlers. For like two years I thought we’d never be close again. What actually helped? Tiny pockets of time. We started with 10 minutes after the kids slept — no phones, just sitting on the couch with tea. Sometimes we didnt even talk, just held hands. It felt weird at first but it reconnected us.

Book a 30-minute “date” on the calendar — yes, like a chore — where you talk about anything *except* logistics. Ask each other, what did you miss most about us this week?

We also set a dumb little rule: kiss for 10 seconds when we pass each other. No rushing. It sounds small but it resets the vibe.

Sex will come back when you feel like partners again instead of coworkers. Start with touch without pressure. My husband & I started spooning again before bed, even if we passed out. Just being skin-to-skin changed things.

You’re still in there somewhere, you just gotta dig a little

How do we bring intimacy back after kids?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience