how do you know when it's really over?

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Question

me and my partner have been together for 6 years. we have a kid together, a wild little leo who’s honestly the best part of both of us. but honestly, the last two years have been… off. we fight about everything. not even big stuff, just like, who left the cabinet open or why they didn’t text when they were running late. the arguments go in circles and we never actually fix anything.

we tried couples therapy for a bit but it felt like we were just performing for the therapist. half the time i wonder if we’re staying together for the kid and the shared apartment and the dog. she’s a Libra and i’m a Scorpio so everyone always said we’d have drama but… is that enough of a reason to stay?

i still care about her, but being around her makes me anxious. i catch myself zoning out during conversations just so i don’t start crying.  tbh i don’t even know what i want anymore. but i keep thinking—what if i’m giving up too soon? or worse, what if i’m staying too long?

how do you know when walking away is the brave thing instead of the easy thing?

Marcus Johnson · Answer

my partner & i hit that 5-year wall where everything felt like a chore — even saying good morning. we’d argue about the toothpaste cap for 20 minutes like it mattered. what changed for us wasn’t another therapy session but a real talk at a diner at 10pm with half-melted ice cream on the table. we stopped trying to fix it for the therapist or the idea of being together and asked — do we actually want to stay? not should we, not for the kid, but do we still choose each other?

i started keeping a notes app just for me — tiny things: when i felt alone in the room with them, when i laughed at their joke, when i lied about being fine. after 3 weeks i could see the pattern — more loneliness than connection.

you don’t have to decide forever right now but try this: have one conversation where you both say only what’s true no filter. no fixing just listening. it might clear the fog or it might hurt like hell but at least you’ll know.

i left. it took me six months to admit it was over. we still co-parent leo like a dream

how do you know when it's really over?

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