My partner says I'm too emotional, am I?

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Question

We’ve been together for three years and every time I get upset about something—like him blowing off our plans or not calling when he says he will—he tells me I’m overreacting and need to calm down. Last night I cried because he forgot our six-month anniversary (again) and he just looked at me and said 'here we go, the drama starts.' I told him it’s not drama, I just feel hurt and he said I make everything into a big deal. I keep thinking maybe I am too sensitive or too much because my dad always said that to my mom and now I’m seeing it in my own relationship. Growing up we never talked about feelings at home unless someone was yelling and now I dont know what’s normal anymore. I love him but I’m starting to feel like I have to shrink myself just to be with him. Is that love or am I just repeating my parents’ mess

Babatunde Fashola · Answer

I been there. My ex used to say I was 'too much' every time I brought up something that hurt me — sound familiar? For a while I believed it. But here’s what clicked for me: it’s not about how you feel, it’s about how your feelings are handled. Forgetting plans or birthdays once? Okay, mistakes happen. But *again*? That tells me he’s not even trying to show up for you.

My dad did the same thing — always shut down emotions, called me dramatic. Took me years to realize that me feeling hurt isnt the problem. The problem is him dismissing it instead of saying, 'Shit, I messed up, Im sorry.'

Try this: next time, instead of reacting in the moment, say something like, 'When you dont call or cancel plans, I feel like Im not a priority. I dont want to cry about it — I just need you to acknowledge it.' Say it calm, say it once. If he rolls his eyes or shuts you down? That’s on him, not you.

Tbh, you’re not too emotional. You’re someone who cares, and thats not a flaw. You just deserve someone who respects that instead of crushing it.

My partner says I'm too emotional, am I?

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