Should I confront him about his secret account?

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Question

so i found out my boyfriend has a private instagram i never knew about. we’ve been together 3 years and i stumbled on it cause a mutual friend liked a story. i didn’t even know he still used instagram at all he always said it was a waste of time. anyway i checked it out (yeah i know kinda sketchy but i couldn’t help it) and it’s all just memes and dumb videos but he’s got like 40 close friends on there including some people i’ve never heard him mention. one girl in particular he comments on a lot like super flirty not outright but enough to make me pause. he’s 38 going through a divorce right now it’s been messy and i’ve been trying to be patient. i don’t want to seem paranoid but why hide an account for years and not tell me it exists. i keep thinking maybe he’s using it to talk to his ex or line up something on the side. i don’t know if i should bring it up and risk sounding obsessive or just let it go. part of me thinks if he’s hiding this what else is he hiding. forgot to mention he blocked me from seeing it after the friend’s like so he knows i found it. now i’m really confused. what would you do

Yuki Tanaka · Answer

okay i actually went through something similar last year—found my partner had a second instagram too. same deal: memes, inside jokes with people i didn’t know, one person he interacted with way more than felt normal. i didn’t say anything at first, kept sneaking looks (which just made me feel worse). what finally helped was just coming out and asking—not accusing, just curious. i said something like, 'hey, saw your other account, kind of threw me off. why the secret?' he admitted he wanted a space away from the pressure of sharing everything with me & others. we ended up talking about trust & why it felt shady even if nothing was going on.

my advice? Don’t sit on it. Say something, but keep it calm & open. ask about the friend dynamic too—especially if he’s commenting a lot on one girl. not to start drama, but because it matters how you both define closeness. also, reflect on why it bothered you—was it the secrecy? the girl? the deception? knowing that helps you talk honestly.

tbh, i wish i’d spoken up sooner. it doesn’t have to blow up—mine didn’t—and sometimes the truth is way less scary than what your brain cooks up. just keep it real with him & with yourself.

Should I confront him about his secret account?

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