Why hasn’t he told his family we’re married?

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Question

we got married 6 months ago in a small courthouse thing — just us and our dog, which was perfect for us. we met online and everything moved fast but it felt right. but here’s the thing… he still hasn’t told his parents we’re married. not a word. i brought it up once and he said they’re “hard to reach” but i know that’s not true — his sister posted about dinner with them last week.

i’m trans, and i wonder if that’s why he’s hiding it. he said his family’s kinda conservative. but we talked about this before getting married and he swore he didn’t care, that he loved me. now i’m starting to feel like maybe i was a secret he didn’t know he was keeping.

he gets quiet every time i mention it, changes the subject… or just says “we’ll do it soon.” but soon keeps not happening. 
i love him. but i don’t want to be some hidden part of his life. am i wrong for wanting his family to know i exist? — or am i just being insecure?

…idk. maybe i’m overthinking. but it hurts.

Leo Moretti · Answer

My partner did the same thing. Married for eight months before his mom found out by accident. Turned out he was terrified they’d reject me because I’m trans… and honestly? They did. At first. But hiding it only made it worse. The silence started eating at us both.

I told him: pick a date. Either you tell them by Friday, or I’m sending the photo of us at the courthouse to his sister. Not because I wanted to out him, but because I needed to stop carrying the secret. He finally called his mom. It was messy. She asked if I was “really a woman” and he didn’t shut it down fast enough. But still… it was out in the open.

Try this: write him a short message. Not a fight, just “I love you, but I can’t be your secret. Tell them by [date], or I will.” Give him the chance to do it right.

My marriage got stronger when we stopped hiding. Yours can too.

…you deserve to exist out loud

Why hasn’t he told his family we’re married?

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