Why won’t he support my career?

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Question

Ok so I’ve been with my husband for 8 years and worked in marketing since we got married. Last week he tells me out of nowhere that all his colleagues’ wives stay home and raise kids so why can’t I just quit already? Like... what? I bring in half the income and actually like my job. He says it’s ‘easier’ and ‘more traditional’ but it feels less about tradition and more about control. We argued for hours and he kept saying things like ‘you don’t need to stress’ and ‘our kids will thank you later’ but we don’t even have kids yet. I asked him if he’d quit for me and he just laughed like it was a ridiculous question... which I guess it is but still. It’s not even just this one thing it’s been building for a while he hates when I travel for work or have late meetings like my time is somehow less valuable. I love him but I’m starting to wonder if we’re even on the same page anymore. Maybe I’m overreacting but it feels like he wants a different version of me one that doesn’t exist. And now I’m up at 2am crying and typing this lol idk what I’m supposed to do

Yuki Tanaka · Answer

My cousin went through the same thing — her husband pulled the 'traditional role' card while she was killing it in graphic design. What helped? She sat him down and showed him the numbers. Literally. Broke down the household income, childcare costs, and what losing her salary would actually mean. Not emotionally — just cold, hard math.

It wasn’t about winning an argument, it was about making it real. He thought she ‘didn’t need’ to work, but when he saw that her income covered the mortgage and preschool? Yeah, that changed the conversation.

Also — your job isn’t just money. It’s identity, growth, sanity. Saying ‘I like my job’ matters. Full stop.

Try this: ask him to write out what ‘easier’ and ‘traditional’ actually look like to him. Then show him your vision — not just for your career, but your family. Make it a trade, not a demand.

And honestly? My husband once said something similar before we had kids. We’ve had that fight. Took multiple talks, not one fix. But now? He brags about how I run projects. Took time. Patience. A little stubbornness. You got this.

Side note — 'our kids will thank you later' haha. My toddler thanks me for snacks and naps. That’s about it.

Why won’t he support my career?

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