Ex came back from abroad different—what do I do?

Q: Is it okay to go to bed angry?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/is-it-okay-to-go-to-bed-angry

Q: How to handle a partner who never apologizes

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-to-handle-a-partner-who-never-apologizes

Q: My partner shuts down during arguments and I end up talking to a wall

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-partner-shuts-down-during-arguments-and-i-end-up-talking-to-a-wall

Q: How do I tell my partner I need more emotional support without sounding needy?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-my-partner-i-need-more-emotional-support-without-sounding-needy

Q: How do we bring intimacy back after kids?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-we-bring-intimacy-back-after-kids-e4glh4

Question

She left for Dubai 3 years ago and it was hard, but I managed. Took care of the house, sent her extra money when she needed, made sure she felt missed. But when she came back last month, something’s off. Not bad, not mean—but like… a stranger wearing my wife’s face? She don’t laugh at the same jokes, gets annoyed if I ask where she’s going, even if just to mall. Says she’s ‘different now’ but won’t explain how. I feel like a guest in my own home. Tried talking, she just says ‘You wouldn’t understand, you didn’t live there.’ But we’re married naman eh. It's like that naman eh, you expect things to pick up, not… unravel. Last night I asked if she still loves me and she said, ‘I care, but maybe not like before.’ Ganun ba? After everything? I don’t even know what to fix because I can’t name what changed. How do you fight something you can’t see?

Nikolai Lebedev · Answer

My ex came back from living in Berlin and I didn’t recognize her either. Same smile different energy like she’d rewritten herself in another timezone. What helped me was backing off a little not giving up but giving space for the new version to settle. I started doing small things—like cooking her favorite meal and just saying "remember this?" no pressure. We took walks not talking about us at first just the weather the dog the dumb stuff then slowly she started opening up. The key was asking one simple question a week not "what’s wrong" but "what felt good this week?" gave her room to answer. She eventually said she’d changed because she had to survive over there alone and didn’t know how to turn back. I almost pushed too hard but caught myself. Try not to take the distance personal it’s not you it’s her relearning who she is now. And hey one night I showed her an old video of us dancing in the kitchen she laughed so hard she cried. That’s when the door cracked open. Give it time and keep showing up but don’t hover lol

Ex came back from abroad different—what do I do?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience