He said he’d marry me after we slept together… now he’s gone silent?

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Question

So... I met him through a mutual friend about 8 months ago. He was charming, attentive, always telling me I’m the kind of girl a man settles down with. We talked marriage early, and he kept saying once we take that step… it’s official. I know it sounds old-school, but I come from a conservative family — I didn’t want to cross that line unless there was commitment. But he kept promising… and I finally gave in. Thought it meant something.

After that, things changed. He stopped calling. Replies took days. Then weeks. I even saw him at a kopitiam with friends last week… he saw me, turned away like he didn’t know me. My heart just… sank.

I texted asking if everything’s okay. No reply. Radio silence. My friends say he used me. Maybe. But I keep thinking… did I misunderstand? Was it all just words? I feel so stupid, and embarrassed to tell my family. They already asked when I’m bringing someone home for Chinese New Year…

How do I even face that now?

Greg Nelson · Answer

happened to me with a guy two years ago — same song and dance. he called it 'sacred' too, like sleeping together was this big promise. made me feel special, right. until it wasn’t.

when someone uses your values against you, that’s a red flag. not saying he did it on purpose but… the result is the same. you gave trust, he ghosted. that tells you everything.

first thing i did when mine went quiet? i blocked him for a full week. no checking his stories or texting “why”. that space showed me how much i was making excuses for him.

then i talked to my cousin — not my friend, someone one step removed. she said something stuck: “if he wanted to, he would. no excuses.” harsh but true.

do yourself a favor — stop waiting for an explanation. your worth isn’t tied to his follow-through.

and next time? let actions build up before any big steps. words are easy. i learned the hard way too

He said he’d marry me after we slept together… now he’s gone silent?

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