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How do I leave when his mom runs everything?

1

We’ve been married 3 years and share a toddler now which makes this harder but honestly I can’t do it anymore. His mom lives with us? Like full time. She cooks “her way”, tells me how to dress the baby, rearranges the nursery when I’m not home. Last week she threw out my birth control pills saying it’s “not natural” and that we need more kids for the family. When I flipped out, my husband just said “that’s how Russian families work you knew this”. Yeah I knew she was close to him but this is insane. I didn’t marry her. He won’t set one boundary. I feel like a guest in my own home. I want to leave but then I think about my daughter having to go back and forth, the guilt kills me. But every day I stay I lose a piece of myself. is it selfish to want a life where I can make my own damn choices. sometimes I just cry in the shower so no one hears. 2 days ago I found a one-way bus ticket to my sister’s in my bag like my body was preparing before my brain could catch up

  • Desire
  • co-parenting

S
Asked by

Sakura Hayashi

15 rep
16 days ago
11 views
1 answer
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Key Takeaways

  • My sister married into a Persian family and lived this exact mess for years so I seen it up close and let me tell you it dont get better unless you draw a line.

1 Answer

  1. 0

    G

    Grace Mwangi

    20 rep
    16 days ago

    My sister married into a Persian family and lived this exact mess for years so I seen it up close and let me tell you it dont get better unless you draw a line. When her mom-in-law started breastfeeding advice and uninvited midnight babysitting it broke something in her. What finally worked was her husband booking a family therapy session and making it clear his wife comes first. You need to sit your husband down when the baby’s asleep and say in plain words: I cant live like this and if nothing changes I will leave. Not as a threat just fact. Then pick three non-negotiables like your meds your rules about the nursery and baby’s clothes and hold that ground. We ended up finding a nearby apartment for the mom and helping her move out. It took six months but they still visit for dinners. You deserve peace in your own home and you shouldnt have to beg for it

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