How do I stop feeling guilty for loving him?

Q: Is it okay to go to bed angry?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/is-it-okay-to-go-to-bed-angry

Q: How to handle a partner who never apologizes

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-to-handle-a-partner-who-never-apologizes

Q: My partner shuts down during arguments and I end up talking to a wall

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-partner-shuts-down-during-arguments-and-i-end-up-talking-to-a-wall

Q: How do I tell my partner I need more emotional support without sounding needy?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-my-partner-i-need-more-emotional-support-without-sounding-needy

Q: How do we bring intimacy back after kids?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-we-bring-intimacy-back-after-kids-e4glh4

Question

I grew up in a very strict Catholic home in Davao. My parents still go to daily Mass, and we never even talked about boys unless it was about 'purity'. Now I'm 28 and seeing someone — Muslim, older, divorced. We're careful, we're respectful, but every time we spend the night together, I cry after. Like, not because I regret it, but because I feel so guilty. Last week my mom called and said, 'You're not doing anything that would shame us, right?' I just said 'No po,' but it felt like a lie. He doesn't even push me — he always says we can wait — but I still feel torn. Sometimes I think I'm being weak for not walking away, other times I think... isn't love supposed to be okay? We pray separately in the morning, side by side. It's like that naman eh, simple, quiet. But my guilt won't shut up. That's wrong di ba?

Leila Benali · Answer

I grew up in Cebu — same deal, strict Catholic household, rosaries every night, the whole thing. When I started seeing my ex, who was divorced and agnostic no less, I felt like I was betraying everyone. What helped me? I started writing letters to my younger self — not to send, just to get it out. Sounds silly, but it let me separate guilt from actual wrongdoing. You’re not hurting anyone. You’re not lying. You’re just loving someone outside the script.

One thing I did — I visited my lola alone one weekend and just asked her, 'What if Mama and Papa were wrong about love?' She didn’t answer at first — just lit a candle and stayed quiet. But that silence? It gave me permission to breathe.

You don’t have to fix everything tonight. Just sit with the fact that your heart isn’t broken — it’s full.

And maybe stop calling him 'He do' — sounds like your sentence got cut off, but also, sounds like you’re already protecting him. That means something

How do I stop feeling guilty for loving him?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience