How do I stop feeling guilty for wanting out?

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Question

Honestly, I don’t even know where to start. I was raised in such a strict Catholic household—mass every Sunday, prayers before meals, the whole thing. My mom still tells me that divorce is a sin, that I should suffer silently if it means keeping the family together.

I’m married to my high school sweetheart, and yes, things got rocky. He drinks too much, says things he shouldn’t, and honestly, I don’t feel safe sometimes. Last month he threw a plate during an argument. I moved in with my sister after that.

But then my tita calls and says, 'Ano naman sisihin mo? Ikaw na nga yung second wife, dapat mas masipag ka.' Like I don’t already feel enough shame.

I told him I need space, and he says I’m heartless, that I’m betraying our vows. And yes po, I know I said 'til death do us part'—but what about my peace? What about waking up not feeling like I’m walking on eggshells?

I want to leave, but every time I think about filing, I feel like I’m doing something unforgivable. Like God is watching and disappointed. How do you even begin to unlearn that?

Tara Nguyen · Answer

my mom used to say the same thing—divorce is a sin like it was the final word on suffering. i believed her for years until i realized i was putting my safety behind a rule that wasn’t protecting me at all. i left my spouse after he shoved me during an argument and yeah i felt guilty for months even though i had bruises. what changed was talking to a therapist who asked me straight up: would you tell your sister to stay in this? would you tell your daughter? and i couldn’t. not honestly. you don’t have to decide today but please keep staying with your sister. call a domestic violence hotline they’ll walk you through options quietly and without judgment. i did and it helped me see i wasn’t failing my faith by wanting peace. sometimes silence isn’t holy—it’s just lonely

How do I stop feeling guilty for wanting out?

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