How do I talk about my feelings without hurting them?

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Question

So my boyfriend Sam came out as trans a month ago and honestly I love him so much and want to support him. I’ve been trying really hard with the name change and everything and I use he/him now without slipping much. But inside I’m kind of losing it. not in a gross way like I don’t want to be with him or anything — I do — but I miss things. I miss his voice the way it was I miss the little jokes we had and god I feel so stupid saying that out loud because it’s not about me.

We used to text all day when we first started dating on that dating app we met on and now it feels different. I don’t know how to bring up how I’m feeling without making it seem like I’m not on board. I started therapy last week which helps a little but I keep biting my tongue. last night I almost said something when he talked about future stuff like surgery and I just froze up... didn’t say anything.

How do you be supportive when part of you is grieving even though nothing bad happened?

Anonymous · Answer

I get it — I really do. when my partner came out it felt like the ground shifted and I spent weeks crying in the shower not because I didn’t support them but because grief sneaks up sideways... you love them, you’re happy for them, and also you miss something and that’s allowed. what helped me was writing down all the little things I was feeling — not to send, just to clear my head — then picking one thing to share during a calm moment. like, 'Sam, I love who you are now, and also I’ve been nostalgic for that old meme voice note you used to send — can we laugh about that sometime?' it opened space for both of us. we cried, then we re-recorded the joke in his new voice — turned it into something new. you don’t have to hold it all in, and you don’t have to figure it out alone. try texting him one tiny truth tonight — no pressure, just honesty like you just gave here

How do I talk about my feelings without hurting them?

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