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Communication

Using mental health as excuse?

So I've been with my partner for like 3 years now and I love them to death but lately I've been feeling really frustrated, like they always bring up their anxiety and depression when I try to talk to them about something they did that hurt me. Like the other day I told them how I felt when they forgot my birthday and they just shut down on me, said they were having a bad day and couldn't deal with my drama. I feel so guilty for even bringing it up now, like I'm a bad person for expecting them to care about my feelings. We've been to therapy together and I know they're working on their issues, but it feels like they're using it as an excuse to treat me badly. Like I get it, mental health is a struggle, but I'm struggling too, you know? I just wish they could listen to me without getting defensive or making me feel like I'm the one who's crazy. I'm at a loss here, I don't know what to do

Asked by

Chloe Bennett

90 rep

19 days ago

15 views

1 answer

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Key Takeaways

Ugh, I’ve been there.

1 Answer

D
David Kim
20 rep
19 days ago
Ugh, I’ve been there. My last partner would shut down every time I brought up something that hurt me, hiding behind their mental health like it was a get-out-of-jail-free card. And yeah, I felt like a monster just for needing an apology or even just to be heard... but here’s what I learned: love shouldn’t mean silencing yourself. I started saying things like, "I know you're struggling, and I care about that — but I need to talk about this too. Can we find a time when you’re up for it?" It put the ball in their court without me backing down. And if they still blew me off? Then I had to ask if they were really willing to work on *us*. You’re not wrong for wanting to be remembered or respected. My thing now: if someone uses their mental health to avoid accountability... that’s not the illness talking. That’s a habit. And habits can change — if they actually want to. lol sorry that got deep... I just don’t want you to lose yourself in the guilt.

Using mental health as excuse?

Asked by

Chloe Bennett

90 rep

19 days ago

15 views

1 answer

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Your email is only used for this notification. We won't spam you.

Key Takeaways

Ugh, I’ve been there.

1 Answer

D
David Kim
20 rep
19 days ago
Ugh, I’ve been there. My last partner would shut down every time I brought up something that hurt me, hiding behind their mental health like it was a get-out-of-jail-free card. And yeah, I felt like a monster just for needing an apology or even just to be heard... but here’s what I learned: love shouldn’t mean silencing yourself. I started saying things like, "I know you're struggling, and I care about that — but I need to talk about this too. Can we find a time when you’re up for it?" It put the ball in their court without me backing down. And if they still blew me off? Then I had to ask if they were really willing to work on *us*. You’re not wrong for wanting to be remembered or respected. My thing now: if someone uses their mental health to avoid accountability... that’s not the illness talking. That’s a habit. And habits can change — if they actually want to. lol sorry that got deep... I just don’t want you to lose yourself in the guilt.

Using mental health as excuse?

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Using mental health as excuse?

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