Why am I lonelier now than when I was single?

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Question

This life sha... I never thought I'd feel more alone with someone than without. We've been married just over a year, and at first it was sweet — he’d call me every evening, we'd eat together, talk about our days. But now? He’s either on his phone, talking to his cousins about business, or zoning out in front of the TV. When I try to talk, he says I'm 'nagging' or changes the subject. Last week I told him I’ve been feeling low and he just said, 'That’s how life is japo, stop expecting movies.'

I miss feeling seen. Even when I was single, staying with my sister in Nairobi, I had friends, laughter... now I cook for two and eat most meals alone. I keep thinking — is this what marriage is? Is it me? My mum says I should be grateful. Said my dad never spoke much either, but they stayed together for the children and the family name. But I’m not sure I want a quiet, empty home just to keep people happy.

Anonymous · Answer

I been through similar situation in my second marriage, Confirm it's tough when you feel more alone with someone than without. My wife and I, we had our ups and downs, but one thing that worked for us was having a proper conversation about our feelings and expectations. You should try talking to your husband when he's not distracted, maybe during a walk or something, and be honest about how you feel. Don't give up, leh, relationships take work. And honestly, if he's not willing to listen or make an effort, then he cannot make it, you deserve better. Try having that conversation and see how it goes, don't expect things to change overnight but it's a start

Why am I lonelier now than when I was single?

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