Why do I keep expecting people to leave?

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Question

Like, my parents were OFW since I was little. They’d call every Sunday, send money, but I grew up with my lola. I didn’t blame them — they were working hard, I get it. But now I’m 27, in this relationship with someone who actually stays, who checks on me… and I still wait for the other shoe to drop.

We’ve been together a year. He’s never given me a reason to doubt him. But when he doesn’t reply in a few hours? My brain goes straight to “he’s done.” When he talks about future plans, I shut down. Not because I don’t care — I do, super much — but because it feels like loving him is risking getting left again.

Last week he said, 'You act like I’m already gone.' And I didn’t know what to say. I don’t want to be like this. But I don’t know how to stop bracing for loss.

Ganun ba? Is it really that obvious? How do you trust someone to stay when everyone who loved you had to leave?

Anonymous · Answer

So I grew up with a similar situation, my parents were always busy and I had to learn to be independent pretty young. Like, it's crazy how that can affect you as an adult, right? I found myself doing the same thing, waiting for people to leave or let me down. But what helped me was talking to my partner about it, being honest about my fears and where they're coming from. Idk, maybe try that with your guy, see if it helps you both understand each other better. Just talking about it made me feel more secure, I guess.

Why do I keep expecting people to leave?

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