Her family wants a traditional daughter-in-law… but I’m not her

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Question

We’ve been together for two years and things are good between us but wow her parents… every time we visit it’s like I’m being auditioned for some role I never agreed to play. Last weekend her mom handed me her old recipe book like it was some sacred thing and said ‘you’ll need this when you start cooking for him every day.’ I cook! Just not every day and definitely not jjigaes and kimchi pancakes on rotation 😅 Her dad didn’t say much just kept giving me these looks like I’m failing some silent test. She says they’ll come around but I can tell she’s stressed. I don’t want to change who I am just to fit their idea of a ‘good wife’ you know? I work full time I like my space I don’t even know how to properly bow during chuseok. aigo sometimes I wonder if I’m being selfish but other times it just feels unfair. How do I stand my ground without making things harder for her or hurting her family? Feels heavy lately 💔

Samantha Wilson · Answer

I've been in similar shoes before, my partner's family expected me to be this perfect traditional wife too, but honestly I'm just not that person, I tried to fit in at first but it was exhausting, what worked for me was having an open conversation with my partner about how I was feeling, we talked about what we're comfortable with & what we're not, then we had a joint conversation with his family to set some boundaries, it wasn't easy but it helped to clear the air, I'd suggest you do the same, talk to your girlfriend about what you're going through 💪

Her family wants a traditional daughter-in-law… but I’m not her

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