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Dating

He's perfect but why do I feel so... flat?

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The thing is, we’ve been together eight months, and on paper? He’s amazing. Stable job, kind to my parents, remembers my coffee order, even learned a little French. But every time we argue—okay, when I try to bring something up—he shuts down. Like, full silence. Last week I made that daube my grandmother taught me, the one that takes hours, and he ate it quietly, nodded, said 'good'. I wanted to scream. The thing is, I keep thinking, maybe I’m too much? I get worked up easy, I talk with my hands, I need to *say* things to understand them. But with him, it’s like I’m yelling into a tunnel. The thing is... when he’s happy, it’s peaceful. But when I’m upset, I need movement, not stillness. What can you do, this is how Germans are, my sister says. But why do I feel so lonely in a relationship that looks perfect?

  • attachment-style
  • Intimacy
  • red-flags

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Asked by

Lucie Dupont

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10 days ago
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1 answer
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Key Takeaways

  • I remember dating someone just like that — sweet as hell but when things got real he’d go full turtle.

1 Answer

  1. 0

    Y

    Youssef Benali

    0 rep
    9 days ago

    I remember dating someone just like that — sweet as hell but when things got real he’d go full turtle. I’d talk and talk and feel crazy for even bringing it up. What finally worked for me? I stopped asking for conversations during tension and started leaving voice notes instead. Sounds weird but hear me out — one night after a quiet-dinner-from-hell I recorded myself saying 'Hey. I made that daube because it matters to me and I wish we could talk after meals even if it’s just 'hey that was nice'. I don’t need big reactions just… presence.' He actually called me back crying — said he didn’t know how to handle emotion without shutting down. We started doing check-ins every Sunday over coffee no phones. Ten minutes tops. Just 'how’s your heart?' Not perfect but way better. You’re not too much — you’re just meeting his limits and that’s not on you. Try writing him a note — not a list of complaints but one soft truth. See what happens

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