how do i become me again after losing myself?

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Question

so i was with my ex for 3 years and honestly i don’t know how it happened but i kinda disappeared. she wanted me to stay in on weekends i stayed in she didn’t like me playing in the band anymore so i quit i even started dressing different just to match what she liked. my mom called me last week and said hey you seem quiet lately and i realized i haven’t picked up my guitar in 8 months. it’s not even about her anymore it’s like i don’t know who i am without someone telling me what to do. i grew up being told to be steady reliable put family first so i guess i thought that meant putting myself last. now i’m 32 and single and i feel like a stranger in my own life. i keep thinking maybe if i just try harder next time but that’s the problem i don’t want to try harder i want to be me. idk how to start though. like where do you even begin when you’ve spent years folding yourself into someone else’s idea of okay? 😭

Terence Chia · Answer

My mum once told me i was turning into a shadow. very the typical people-pleaser, ya? spent years bending for my ex, then realized one day i couldn’t even remember what *i* liked. woke up and actually argued with my girlfriend over whether i could wear my favourite band tee. not even joking. felt stupid, but also angry. so i started small — took my guitar to the void deck one night, played till my fingers hurt. no audience, just me. then i blocked off one weekend a month. no explanations. just me doing whatever the hell i wanted — even if it was sitting in the car eating kaya toast and listening to old Radiohead. took a few months, but i started remembering the little things. like how i hate cilantro. or how i actually love rainy days. point is, you don’t need to find the whole you at once. just pick one thing you used to like. do it. then do it again. Can or not? because i did. and it helped. ❤️

how do i become me again after losing myself?

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