How do I calm my boyfriend’s jealousy over my guy friend?

Q: How many dates before becoming exclusive — is there a rule?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-many-dates-before-becoming-exclusive-is-there-a-rule

Q: Online dating feels dehumanizing — am I doing something wrong?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/online-dating-feels-dehumanizing-am-i-doing-something-wrong

Q: When is the right time to say I love you?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/when-is-the-right-time-to-say-i-love-you

Q: I am 35 and have never been in a relationship — is something wrong with me?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/i-am-35-and-have-never-been-in-a-relationship-is-something-wrong-with-me

Q: Going on my first date ever at 27 — any tips?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/going-on-my-first-date-ever-at-27-any-tips

Question

So my boyfriend (28) gets really weird whenever I hang out with my close friend Mark, who I’ve known forever (like 10 years). We’re both in our late 20s but he’s kinda immature about stuff like this and I swear it’s getting worse. Last time I went to Mark’s birthday thing — it was at a bar with like 15 people, nothing sketchy — my boyfriend didn’t talk to me for two days after. When I finally asked what was wrong he said Mark “smirks at me too much” and that we’re “too comfortable” around each other. Which… huh? We’re just used to each other, it’s not flirty. And yeah Mark’s single and I’m not gonna lie he did have a crush on me years ago but I told him I didn’t feel the same and he got over it. But now my boyfriend wants me to “put space” between us which feels so unfair. I love him but I’m not cutting off a friend who’s always been decent to me. We’ve got a 5-year age gap and sometimes I wonder if he just feels insecure? I don’t want to choose but he’s making it feel like I have to. How do I get him to chill without sounding like I don’t care about his feelings? Also I hate drama and this is giving me anxiety, honestly. I just want him to trust me and stop acting like Mark’s some threat.

Anonymous · Answer

my ex used to pull the same crap about my friend jesse and honestly it drove me up the wall. what finally helped was setting actual boundaries not just with him but with jesse too. i started texting my boyfriend little check-ins like "hey we’re at the bar, jesse just spilled beer on his pants lol" so it felt less mysterious. also had a talk with mark — kept it light — just said "my bf gets weird so can we dial back the inside jokes in front of him?" he was cool about it.

you might also call your boyfriend out gently when he goes silent. like "dude not talking to me for two days over a smirk? that’s on you not me." it puts the focus where it belongs. jealousy isn’t about the other person it’s about insecurity and he’s gotta deal with that. i know it sucks but you can’t fix him if he won’t look in the mirror

How do I calm my boyfriend’s jealousy over my guy friend?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience