How do I deal with my partner minimizing my trauma?

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Question

i don’t even know where to start. lost my home, my family, everything in the war last year. barely made it out alive. now i’m stuck in a small apartment in a city where i don’t know anyone, trying to sleep without waking up from nightmares. my partner lives in canada. we’ve been together for 3 years, mostly long distance even before everything happened.

but when i talk about how hard it is, she says things like “you’re still alive, be grateful” or “other people have it worse.” yesterday she told me i need to “just move on” and stop being so sad all the time. i’m not asking for a fix, just to be heard.

it hurts. like, shouldn’t she want to understand what i’ve been through?

sometimes i wonder if she even sees me anymore

we argued last night. she said i’ve changed. yeah, i have. how could i not?

i love her, but right now it feels like i’m grieving alone while she’s treating me like i’m overreacting.

am i asking too much to want her to just… sit with me in it?

—
update: she said she’s “tired of walking on eggshells” & that i’m not trying to heal. made me feel like a burden

Hana Kim · Answer

I've been in similar shoes, trauma can be really tough to deal with, especially when someone you love doesn't get it. Like, I had a friend who went through something similar & they told me it really helped to write down their feelings before talking to their partner, so they could get everything out without interrupting themselves. So, try that next time you talk to your partner, see if it helps. Also, idk if you've tried therapy but it's been a lifesaver for me, maybe look into that too. Honestly, you don't have to go through this alone, your partner should be supporting you, not minimizing your feelings. Take care of yourself, you're doing the best you can

How do I deal with my partner minimizing my trauma?

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