How do I get my husband to go back to therapy?

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Question

We went to couples therapy last year after almost splitting up and it literally saved us like I’m not exaggerating I don’t think we’d still be together if we hadn’t done it and for a while things were actually good like we were talking not just screaming or giving each other the silent treatment and even had sex more than twice a year which felt like a miracle but then he just stopped going he said he’s done now he’s fixed and that real men don’t need to keep spilling their guts to some stranger every week and I get that he feels strong now but we still have issues and I can tell he’s shutting down again he won’t talk about anything heavy and last night I brought up how we never plan anything fun anymore and he just said “we’re not those people” and walked off I don’t know what to do I don’t want to guilt him but I’m scared we’re slipping back into the same cycle and I can’t do that again I really can’t Nibha Nibhi says love is action not just feeling but how do you act on love when the other person won’t even try

David Kim · Answer

Okay so my husband pulled the exact same move — quit therapy after we made progress, said he was 'good now' and 'didn’t need to pay someone to listen to his problems'. Sound familiar? lol I was livid. But what finally worked wasn’t begging or guilt-tripping — I stopped chasing and focused on me. I kept going to my individual sessions, even told our therapist I’d go alone if he wouldn’t come. And I mentioned — casually — stuff I was working on, like not shutting down when I felt attacked. Didn’t say “you should come,” just shared what I was learning.

A few weeks later he asked what we talked about. Then he said, “Maybe I could come for one.” We didn’t go back to couples right away — he did individual for a month first. Turns out he just hated feeling vulnerable in front of me, not therapy itself. Now he’s back — still grumbles, but goes.

Tbh? He’s not fixed. None of us are. But showing him it wasn’t about blame — just growth — made all the difference. Maybe suggest he try solo sessions? Less pressure.

How do I get my husband to go back to therapy?

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