How do I get my MIL to back off?

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Question

So my mom-in-law moved in when the baby was born saying she just wanted to help & honestly we were desperate she's been here 7 months now and it's a total nightmare. At first it was nice having someone to watch the baby while I showered or nap but now she’s acting like she runs the house. She uninstalled my baby monitor app because she says I’m “spying,” rearranged the nursery without asking, & told my husband I need to start cooking more because she’s tired of making meals (while she lives in our home!!). Last week she invited her friend over for lunch and didn’t even tell us. We walked in to a full table like some kind of weird dinner party. I tried talking to my husband about it and he says “she’ll calm down” but it’s not calming down. He won’t stand up to her because she’s his mom and he doesn’t want drama but I’m about to lose it. I love my baby and I know she wants to help but it feels like we’re the guests in our own house. How do you deal with this without starting World War III? We’re both Leos so maybe that’s part of the problem nobody wants to back down. Anybody been through this?

Kwame Asante · Answer

My mother-in-law stayed with us for months after our daughter was born — I’m telling you, it went from helping to total takeover real quick. She started moving stuff around like it was her place too. What finally worked? Sitting down with my husband and saying ‘we need to set boundaries — now.’ We waited too long and regretted it.

First thing — get your husband on the same page. This isn’t just your problem, it’s a family dynamic. He needs to talk to her, not you. When he did, he told her the baby monitor stays, the nursery stays how we set it, and meals aren’t her business — we’ll handle it. It was awkward but the tension dropped fast.

Also — pick one issue to address first. Don’t hit her with everything at once. We started with the app. Then slowly reset other lines. You’re not being mean, you’re being parents. And yeah... it’ll feel weird but don’t back down

How do I get my MIL to back off?

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