How do I handle my mom hating my boyfriend?

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Question

So my boyfriend Mark is amazing — seriously he's kind patient and actually listens when I talk which my last two exes never did. He's 42 I'm 28 so yeah there's an age gap but we connect on everything that matters. Problem is my mom HATES him. Like full on dramatic disapproval. She says he's 'too old' and 'probably just passing through' — whatever that means. She even brought up his divorce like it's some red flag but hello almost everyone divorces these days.

I tried talking to her calmly but she just shuts down or starts crying saying she doesn’t want me to get hurt. Honestly it’s making me so mad because she hasn’t even given him a real chance — one dinner and she was already rolling her eyes when he mentioned his favorite jazz album.

I love my mom and I don’t want to cut her off but I’m tired of feeling like I have to choose. Part of me wonders if maybe she’s right and I’m missing something — but then I spend time with Mark and that doubt vanishes. How do I stand by someone I care about without losing my mom? Or am I just ignoring real red flags because I'm in love

Raj Malhotra · Answer

My mom totally hated my partner when we first got together — same age gap, same drama. She said he was 'robbing the cradle' which, ouch. But here's what helped: I stopped trying to get her to like him right away. Instead, I set boundaries. Like, 'I love you, but he's not up for debate.'

I also gave it time. We didn’t force visits or include him in every family thing at first. Just small, low-pressure moments — grabbing coffee after church, walking the dog together. Let them interact without the pressure of a big sit-down.

And honestly? I let go of needing her approval. It sucked at first, but once I made it clear he wasn’t going anywhere, her resistance faded. She started seeing how happy I was. Now they watch old movies together lol.

One thing — don’t let her plant doubt where there isn’t any. If you’re good with Mark, that’s what matters.

Boundaries. Time. Consistency.

The rest usually follows.

Even if she never loves him? As long as you’re sure, that’s enough.

kinda wild how much power we give moms sometimes

How do I handle my mom hating my boyfriend?

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