How do I leave a controlling partner?

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Question

So I’ve been dating this guy for about 8 months now and it started off amazing—really sweet, funny, the whole deal. But lately he’s been getting really intense. He checks my phone if I don’t reply to a text in like 5 minutes, & he gets mad if I hang out with my friends without him. Last week he accused me of flirting with my coworker just because I liked their post on Instagram?? Like come on.

I told him it was making me uncomfortable and he said I’m “making a big deal outta nothing” and that he’s just “protective” because he cares. But it doesn’t feel like care, it feels draining. I’ve started hiding stuff just to avoid fights, which isn’t me at all. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time.

I keep thinking maybe I’m overreacting, but my best friend says it’s a major red flag and I should get out before it gets worse. I’m scared though—I don’t want to deal with the blowup or feel guilty. But I also hate how small I feel around him now. How do I actually leave someone like this without losing myself first?

—Feeling stuck & confused

Min-jun Park · Answer

I was in the exact same spot a few years ago and it took me way too long to get out. He started with just asking for my passcode “as a joke” then suddenly I couldn’t hang out with friends without a ten-minute interrogation after. What helped me was starting small—like texting a friend every time I left the house just so someone knew where I was. I also saved emergency cash in an old shoebox literally behind a shoe no idea why that worked but it did. When I finally left I had a bag ready at my sister’s place and I waited until he was at work. I know it feels scary I thought I was overreacting but trust your gut if you’re checking your phone less because you’re scared to reply that’s not love. Cut contact. Block if you need to. You’ll feel so much lighter after

How do I leave a controlling partner?

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