How do I leave a marriage that’s killing me?
My husband & I haven’t slept in the same room for over a year. We don’t fight, we just… exist. Like two ghosts sharing a house. I cry in the shower cause it’s the only place I can be alone. I told my mom I was thinking about leaving and she just said, “People will talk. What will your cousins say? Your aunts?” Like my pain is a rumor to manage. She said divorce brings shame like it’s a rule written in stone. But I can’t breathe anymore. I’m 34, not 60, I don’t want to look back at my life & realize I spent it being sad so other people could stay comfortable. I’ve always been the “good daughter” the one who never made waves. But now I’m starting to wonder if I’m afraid of being alone or just afraid of finally saying no. I think I might be queer, I’ve never said that out loud before, but it’s part of why staying feels impossible. I don’t know if I want reconciliation or if I just want permission to want something else. One fragment sentence. I keep thinking if I wait long enough I’ll magically feel better but I won’t & I know it.