How do I make my family see my partner for who they are?

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Question

So my boyfriend Jake & I have been together for almost two years now — we met in college, both studying design, and honestly he’s the first person who’s really *gotten* me. We live together, split rent, cook together, all that. But my family… they just wont accept him.

It’s not like he’s some deadbeat or anything — he works two jobs and is saving to start his own studio. But my parents keep saying stuff like “he cant give you the life you deserve” or “wait till you see how money changes things.” They act like because he grew up in a small town with a single mom on food stamps, he’s automatically not good enough.

Last weekend at my sister’s birthday, my dad pulled me aside and said, “You’re throwing your future away.” Broke my heart. I love him. I know money matters but not like this.

How do you deal when your family won’t even try to see the person you love? I dont want to cut them off, but I cant keep pretending this doesn’t hurt.

Emma Johansson · Answer

my sister dated a guy my parents hated for like three years. they said all the same stuff yours are saying — wrong background, not stable enough, blah blah. what finally changed their minds? seeing him show up. consistently.

i know it’s frustrating but try this: invite Jake to smaller family stuff first — a sunday lunch not thanksgiving. let them see how he treats you in quiet moments. also have your dad pull Jake aside to help with something — my brother-in-law fixed our leaky sink once and suddenly my dad was telling everyone about his 'good hands' lol. real things build real respect.

and honestly i started calling out the comments when they happened. like when mom said he’d never make enough? i said 'he already does more than i did at 25' — shut her up quick. not mean just matter of fact.

it took time but they came around once they saw he wasn’t going anywhere. and neither were you

How do I make my family see my partner for who they are?

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