How do I reconnect when we’ve become roommates?

Q: Why does every fight feel like a war?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/why-does-every-fight-feel-like-a-war-23jv5r

Q: She said she loves me but not ready for a relationship?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/she-said-she-loves-me-but-not-ready-for-a-relationship-u6a678

Q: How do I stop overthinking every word I say?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-overthinking-every-word-i-say-3ib5yg

Q: Did I really abandon him by leaving?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/did-i-really-abandon-him-by-leaving-no0yrj

Q: How do I choose between my partner and my parents?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-choose-between-my-partner-and-my-parents-9sywr6

Question

me & my wife been married 6 years now & honestly lately it feels like we’re just two people sharing a house. we have our routines down—she cooks on weekdays, i do weekends, we alternate laundry, the dog gets walked at 7am sharp every day. but when was the last time we actually talked? like really talked? can’t even remember. we’ll sit on the couch together & she’s on her book, i’m scrolling, maybe a “hey” or “pass the blanket” but that’s it. we used to stay up late laughing about dumb stuff, send each other voice notes during the day, now it’s like we’re just… coexisting. even our anniversary last month we went out to that italian place we love but the whole dinner was kinda quiet. i brought up maybe counseling but she just said “we’re fine” & changed the topic. i don’t want to rock the boat but i miss her. i miss *us*. is this just what long-term marriage feels like or are we supposed to feel more than this. sometimes i wonder if she still feels anything or if i’m just her default roommate with a wedding ring. it’s like we forgot how to be in love

Arjun Nair · Answer

happened to us around year five — we were like two roommates with great chore charts and zero spark. what pulled us out was one dumb thing: we turned off the couch. no phones no books just 20 minutes of tryin to talk. first few times it was awkward as hell — we mostly complained about work — but then one night she told me about this dream she had and i actually cried. we started taking walks too no dog just us — a mile or so after dinner. sounds small but moving together makes talking easier somehow. oh and ngl we had to schedule it at first like "tues & thurs 8pm no screens" — felt silly but it worked. the other thing — try asking her one real question a day not "how was your day" but like "what’s something you’re scared about right now" or "what did you love doing as a kid" — my wife once said she missed painting and we found an old set in the garage and boom — whole new thing. you’re not broken you’re just stuck in routine — pull one thread and the rest starts loosening up

How do I reconnect when we’ve become roommates?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience