Why does every fight feel like a war?

So I’m American, she’s French — we met in Marseille last summer and honestly it was electric. But now every time we disagree about something small like — I don’t know — not calling her mom enough or how I eat my bread (yes really) it turns into this whole thing where she’s yelling about respect and I’m panicking because I just wanted to talk. Back home if we argued it meant something was wrong but here it feels like arguing is how you show you care? Except I never know when it’s passionate and when it’s actually bad. Last week she threw a spoon across the kitchen because I said I didn’t like her aunt’s stew. A spoon. And then we made out five minutes later like nothing happened. It's complicated, as these things are. I love her fire but I keep walking on eggshells waiting for the next explosion. Am I too soft or is this just how it is when you date someone who argues like they’re defending the Republic