How do I stop my parents' divorce from ruining my relationship?

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Question

so my parents just filed for divorce last month and it’s hitting me way harder than I thought it would. i keep having these panic moments like what if every relationship just falls apart like this? my partner and i have been together for almost two years and they’ve been really patient but lately i’ve been super distant. i snap over little things they say or do and then feel terrible after. like the other night they joked about forgetting to do the dishes and i completely shut down started crying said maybe we weren’t that serious anyway. ngl i didn’t even mean it but the words just came out.

i know it’s not fair to take this out on them but i feel like im dragging all this mess into our relationship. they’re not my parents they didn’t do anything wrong. but everytime i see my mom crying or hear my dad’s new cold tone on the phone i start questioning everything. what if i’m just doomed to repeat this?

i don’t want to lose them cause of my head stuff. how do i stop mixing my parents’ crap with what we have? any advice would help honestly.

also fwiw im non-binary they/them if that matters

Andre Santos · Answer

my parents split when I was your age and I totally lost it with my boyfriend at the time. spent weeks walking on eggshells, then blowing up over nothing — sound familiar?

what helped me: I started naming the fear out loud. like, when my partner did something small and I felt that wave of panic, I’d say “i’m scared this is gonna fall apart too.” weirdly, saying it made it smaller.

also? therapy. not forever, just for a few months. gave me space to unpack the stuff that wasn’t even about my partner.

and one thing I wish I’d done sooner — write it down when you snap. like a quick note: “they forgot dishes → I thought my parents used to fight over that → felt sick.” helps you see the link, so you can tell your partner “it’s not you, it’s this old echo in my head.”

they love you. they just need to know how to reach you.

took me time to figure that out

How do I stop my parents' divorce from ruining my relationship?

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