how do i stop pushing my partner away when i'm burnt out?

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Question

so i've been working non-stop for months, like 70 hour weeks, and honestly i'm just empty most days. my partner's been really sweet about it, keeps asking if i wanna watch a movie or go on a walk or whatever, but i just can't. even when i want to, i feel so drained i snap over little things—like yesterday he left his shoes in the hallway and i kind of exploded? which wasn't about the shoes at all lol.

he says he gets it, that i'm under pressure, but i can see it's hurting him. he texts me cute memes sometimes hoping i'll reply and i'll read 'em and feel guilty 'cause i don't have the energy to even send back a heart. i know he needs more than what i'm giving. we talked about going to therapy together but every time i try to schedule it i just… don't. it feels like one more thing.

i love him, i really do, but right now i feel like i'm failing at being someone worth loving. how do people even deal with this? am i just supposed to wait till burnout passes or is there actually something i can do now to not ruin what we have?

Nadia Petrova · Answer

i remember pulling those same 70-hour weeks last year and turning into a total ghost. i’d come home and shut down, and every little thing my partner did — like leaving a dish out or humming in the kitchen — felt like nails on a chalkboard. it got bad enough that we had to have a real talk. what helped me was setting one tiny boundary: i started telling him, “i’m not in my head right now, but i love you — just need 20 mins to decompress alone.” gave myself permission to just sit and zone out, no guilt. also started doing one micro thing to reconnect, like if he made coffee, i’d pour myself a cup and sit with him even if i didnt say much. he said that meant more than forced convos. ngl it felt awkward at first but got easier. and i finally blocked 30 mins on my calendar three times a week just for us — no phones, no plans, just existing together. it’s not magic, but it kept us from drifting. you’re not failing, you’re just running on empty. try one small thing, see what sticks

how do i stop pushing my partner away when i'm burnt out?

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