How do I talk to my arranged match?

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Question

We met twice... once at my cousin’s place, then at a temple with both families. He’s polite, works in Pune, likes old Hindi songs. Everyone says he’s a good match — stable job, same caste, family knows his mom’s side a little. Mummy says I shouldn’t wait too long, that 28 isn’t young for a girl.

But when we talk on the phone, it’s so awkward. Like, I don’t know what to say. He asks about my family, the weather, if I like paneer... and then silence. I try bringing up movies, but he just says, 'I watch sometimes.' What do I even do? I thought maybe if we chatted more, it’d get easier, but it feels like we’re just… waiting for a decision.

Last night I tried asking what he dreams about, like hopes for life, and he said, 'Life is what comes, no need to plan too much.' I don’t know if that’s calm or just… no spark? Am I expecting too much?

I keep thinking — if we marry, will it always be this quiet? Will I be the only one trying?

He is like this only, everyone says he’s a good boy. But good isn’t the same as feeling something.

Denise Murray · Answer

My sister went through the same thing last year. We used to laugh about how they’d talk for 5 minutes and just… run out of things to say. What helped her was texting him small stuff between calls — like “just heard ‘Lag Jaa Gale’ at the salon and thought of our temple meet” or “paneer tikka today. mummy’s recipe. still better than restaurant ones?”

It kept things light and made the calls less pressure-y. She said after a week or two he started sending voice notes about old songs he was listening to. Turns out he’s shy but loves music — just needed someone to go first.

Try asking him one thing about Pune. Not “how’s work” but “what’s the one thing you’d show me in Pune if I visited?” Opens doors better.

And hey — 28 is not some expiration date. My cousin waited till 31 and now her husband brings her gajar ka halwa every week just because she mentioned it once. Takes time. Don’t rush to say yes before you actually want to

How do I talk to my arranged match?

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