how do i tell my partner i need to hear 'i love you' more?

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Question

so my girlfriend and i have been together for about a year now and she’s amazing really kind patient all that but she HATES saying 'i love you' out loud. like full on cringes when i say it and just goes quiet. i get it she’s not super expressive we’re both kind of reserved but sometimes i just want to hear it you know?

last week we were lying in bed and i said 'i love you' like i always do before falling asleep and she just stiffened then whispered 'yeah me too' like it was a secret. broke my heart a little? not even because she didn’t say it back properly but because she acted like it was embarrassing like love is something to hide.

i’m bi and she’s non-binary we’ve both got the whole identity thing going on and honestly her being quiet about feelings makes me feel unsure sometimes. like am i enough? do they actually feel it? i don’t want to pressure her but i need to feel secure too.

anyone else deal with this? how do you handle needing words when your partner can’t give them easy

Isabella Rossi · Answer

my partner used to shut down every time i said 'i love you' too and honestly it stung like hell even though i knew she cared in her own way so i waited until we were both relaxed — not in bed trying to sleep or rushing out the door — and just said hey i know you’re not big on words but when i say i love you it means a lot and it kinda hurts when it feels like you’re brushing it off she actually cried and said she never realized how much it affected me we figured out this thing where she still cant say it all the time but she’ll squeeze my hand three times when i say it and now that means just as much it’s not about changing her it’s about finding a rhythm that works for both of us try talking when things are calm not mid-snuggle or right after she’s shut down it helps her actually hear you not just brace for pressure

how do i tell my partner i need to hear 'i love you' more?

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