I moved for love and now I'm stuck

Q: How many dates before becoming exclusive — is there a rule?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-many-dates-before-becoming-exclusive-is-there-a-rule

Q: Online dating feels dehumanizing — am I doing something wrong?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/online-dating-feels-dehumanizing-am-i-doing-something-wrong

Q: When is the right time to say I love you?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/when-is-the-right-time-to-say-i-love-you

Q: I am 35 and have never been in a relationship — is something wrong with me?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/i-am-35-and-have-never-been-in-a-relationship-is-something-wrong-with-me

Q: Going on my first date ever at 27 — any tips?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/going-on-my-first-date-ever-at-27-any-tips

Question

I moved from Singapore to KL six months ago for my boyfriend. He kept saying, 'Come, we get married soon, my parents nice one,' and I thought okay, why not? My family not too happy — they wanted me to finish my diploma first — but I said love can wait, right?

But now... I don’t know. I don’t have a job. His parents are... involved. Like, every night family dinner, and if I say I want to go out with friends, they ask, 'Why you so independent?' and my boyfriend just sits there.

We argue more. He says I changed. I say he never sees me as a person, just like... part of his plan. I tried signing up for a course online, but he said, 'Later got time, now focus on us.'

I miss my friends. I miss temple on Fridays. I even miss my cousin’s loud WhatsApp voice notes.

Aiyah, sometimes I wonder — if I leave, is it all for nothing? But if I stay, will I even be me anymore? Can or not just go back and start over? This guilt is killing me lah.

Ngozi Okafor · Answer

Moving for love sounds so romantic till you’re stuck eating third bowl of rice with in-laws who watch you like hawks. I did the same thing — shifted to Johor from Penang for my ex. Thought it was my big love story. Turned out I was just… lonely and jobless and doubting everything.

First thing I did that helped: I stopped waiting for permission. I told my boyfriend straight — not in a fight, just over kopi at Mamak — that I need space to breathe. Not every night with family. Not answering why I’m going out like I’m in secondary school. You dont have to be rude but you gotta stand your ground.

Then I looked for work — even part time. Got a gig teaching English online. Gave me money independence and something to do. Made new friends through a hobby group — pottery class. Sounds silly but it saved me.

If he really wants to marry you he’ll step up and talk to his parents. If he keeps quiet then you gotta ask — is this the life I wanted?

I moved for love and now I'm stuck

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience