I took off my hijab — now they say I’m betraying faith

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Question

So I finally took off my hijab last week. It wasn’t overnight — I’ve been questioning for months, praying, reading, talking to myself in the mirror like a weirdo. But it felt right. When I told my partner, they just looked at me and said, "I can’t be with someone who disrespects the faith like that." Like — what? I’m still me. We’ve been together for two years, and we’ve always talked about religion openly, or at least I thought we did. They’ve known I was struggling. But now it’s like I committed some unforgivable thing. I get it, faith matters — but so does being honest about who you are. I didn’t expect them to be okay with it instantly, but the coldness? That stung. Like I’m suddenly not worthy of love. Is this just about religion — or is it about control? Can a relationship even work if one person’s growth feels like a betrayal to the other? I don’t want to lose them, but I also can’t go back — not like this. I keep checking my phone. Waiting. For what, I don’t even know.

Marcus Johnson · Answer

Took off my hijab three years ago. Same exact stare from my then-partner, like I’d punched a hole in the air between us. Felt like I’d lost both my faith and my person at once. But here’s what I learned: you can’t force someone to see you when they only saw the symbol. It sucks, yeah, but maybe they weren’t ready — or maybe you were just too kind to admit it was already shaky. After we split, I found community online, quiet folks who’d walked off the edge too and survived. One in particular, a queer ex-Muslim group on Signal... weirdly safe. Not saying leave your partner tomorrow, but ask yourself: when they said “disrespects the faith,” were they really saying “I can’t love you if you change”? That’s not about hijab. That’s about fear. And you? You’re still you... and finally breathing

I took off my hijab — now they say I’m betraying faith

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