Is it love or control when he checks my phone daily?

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Question

So my boyfriend of 8 months has this thing where he checks my phone every single day like he’ll grab it while I’m brushing my teeth or unlocking it when it’s face up on the table he says it’s because he loves me and cares about me but it’s starting to feel off honestly at first i thought it was sweet kinda cute even but now it’s constant he’ll ask why i liked someone’s photo or who texted me with just a heart emoji and he gets weirdly quiet if i don’t hand it over fast enough — last week i changed my passcode just to test it and he noticed immediately like within hours and that blew up into this whole thing where he said i was hiding stuff and didn’t trust him which isn’t true at all i just wanted one thing that was mine you know and we had sex that night right after arguing which felt like a reward for giving in and now i’m confused am i overreacting or is this actually messed up i love him but i feel like i’m living in a fishbowl and i can’t even breathe without him watching

Andre Santos · Answer

My last relationship started exactly like this — little check-ins, "just because I miss you," all that. Felt flattering at first, like I was really wanted. But then it got heavy, like if I didn’t answer fast or left my phone face down, there’d be this tense silence for hours. I didn’t realize how much I was shrinking until I saw a therapist about my anxiety & turns out a lot of it was from walking on eggshells. What your boyfriend’s doing doesn’t sound like love — love trusts, it doesn’t interrogate. Try setting a boundary, like "I’m not comfortable with you unlocking my phone" and see how he reacts. If he gets upset or guilt-trips you that’s a red flag. I kept making excuses for my ex too until I realized control dressed up as love is still control. You’re allowed to have privacy & peace

Is it love or control when he checks my phone daily?

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