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Dating

Is it real when they say the affair made them love me more?

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So my boyfriend of 2 years cheated back in November. I found out he was texting this girl from work — nothing physical, he swears, but it still gutted me. We’ve been in couples therapy since December & honestly, things have been better? Like, he’s way more present, remembers small stuff I like, even plans little dates out of nowhere. But yesterday he says — outta nowhere — "I think sleeping with her was the worst thing I’ve ever done, but weirdly, it made me realize how much I actually love you." Wtf. That sounds insane to me. How do you love someone MORE because you cheated? That makes no sense. Part of me wants to believe he’s grown, & I can see the effort — but another part feels like he’s just saying it to fix things. Like, is this even a real thing people experience? Or is he justifying his mistake? We’re talking marriage down the line, but now I don’t know if I can ever fully trust him again. I keep thinking — if he could do it once, even if it was only texts, what stops it from happening again? Honestly torn. Therapy helps, but I need real talk from people who’ve been there.

  • success-story
  • advice-needed
  • first-date

M
Asked by

Mateo Garcia

15 rep
18 days ago
8 views
1 answer
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Key Takeaways

  • I’ve been there — my ex did something similar, & at the time, that "it made me love you more" line felt like salt in the wound.

1 Answer

  1. 0

    Z

    Zara Mohammed

    45 rep
    18 days ago

    I’ve been there — my ex did something similar, & at the time, that "it made me love you more" line felt like salt in the wound. Like, wait… you needed to cross a line to figure out what was already in front of you? That stings. For me, what helped wasn’t just his words but watching consistency over months. The little things — showing up, not getting defensive when I was hurt, respecting my boundaries without pushing — that’s what started rebuilding trust, not the grand statements. One thing I wish I’d done sooner? Told him clearly what I needed to feel safe again — like phone access, no secretive texting, check-ins when he’s late. It felt awkward at first, but it stopped me from going mad checking my phone 24/7 wondering. Also? Talked to a solo therapist for a few sessions. Not because I was crazy, but because my brain kept looping. Getting space to untangle my feelings — separate from him — changed everything. You don’t have to pretend you’re “over it” just because he’s doing better now. Healing ain’t linear. I still had bad days a year in. But I also learned to notice: is he putting in the work even when it’s hard? Thats the realer tell than any apology.

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