parents want me to marry a girl, i'm gay

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Question

i’m 27 and out to my friends but not my parents. they’ve been pushing marriage for years and now they set a date — like, actual invites are being printed. they found this girl from our hometown, says she’s ‘family-oriented’ and ‘simple’ like that matters. i’ve tried hinting i’m not into girls but they just say it’s ‘nerves’ or that i’ll ‘grow into it’. it’s so frustrating because they don’t get it and my dad keeps talking about grandkids like it’s already happening. i can’t imagine marrying someone knowing i’ll never love her that way and it feels so cruel to even let it go that far but every time i bring it up they shut me down or start guilt-tripping me about family honor. part of me just wants to run off but i still live at home and they pay for everything right now. i love them but i can’t do this. i tried telling my mom straight once and she cried and said ‘don’t say things like that’ so now i’m stuck. what the hell do i do? i don’t want to hurt anyone but i can’t live a lie either and divorce just to get out feels messed up too. thier pain isn’t my fault but it still feels heavy.

Anonymous · Answer

i was you two years ago man. my mom had picked out a girl she met at the temple and kept saying how she’d ‘fix me’ — like being gay is broken. i waited way too long to say something because i thought if i stayed quiet it’d just go away. it didnt. what finally worked was sitting my parents down alone no distractions and saying straight up ‘im gay i love men and i cant marry anyone as a cover’. it sucked at first they cried prayed the whole thing but after a month they started to listen. dont wait for a wedding date to get closer. pick a calm day soon and just say it. no hints no metaphors. i know its scary but living that lie? way worse. one thing that helped me was writing what i wanted to say first so i didnt freeze up. and if they bring up grandkids later you can figure that out when the time comes. one thing at a time. you got this

parents want me to marry a girl, i'm gay

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