She said she loved me, then went cold?

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Question

From a logical standpoint... we were good. Really good. We met through a friend at Oktoberfest last year, both bi, both kinda shy but clicked right away. Tanja’s smart, funny, works in radiology. We’d talk every day, stay over at each other’s place, even talked about maybe getting a puppy. Then one night after dinner, she looks at me and says, 'Markus, I love you.' I was stunned. In a good way. I smiled, said I loved her too. Next morning? Radio silence. For three days. I texted once, just 'Hey, everything okay?' — no reply. Then she messages 'I need space' and that’s it. No explanation. We were never loud or dramatic, always calm. This makes no sense. Her mom called me 'son' last Christmas. My parents still ask when she’s coming over. I don’t know if I did something wrong or if it’s something with her. But going from 'I love you' to ghosting? Feels like I’m missing something obvious.

Camille Dubois · Answer

happened to me with someone in grad school — total whiplash. one minute we’re talking about moving in together next year & the next? ghosted for a week. drove myself nuts overthinking it. truth is sometimes people say big things to test the waters not because they’re ready for what comes after. i waited five days then sent a short text: "hey. i meant what i said that night & i’ve been thinking of you. no pressure but i’d love to talk when you’re up for it." gave her space but left the door open. she came back a day later said she panicked after saying it out loud felt too fast even though she meant it. we talked it out & it actually made us stronger. point is don’t chase but don’t vanish either. say your piece then give her room to breathe. people freak out for weird reasons sometimes

She said she loved me, then went cold?

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