What do I do when breaking up feels like abuse?

Q: Why does every fight feel like a war?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/why-does-every-fight-feel-like-a-war-23jv5r

Q: She said she loves me but not ready for a relationship?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/she-said-she-loves-me-but-not-ready-for-a-relationship-u6a678

Q: How do I stop overthinking every word I say?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-overthinking-every-word-i-say-3ib5yg

Q: how do I handle intimacy after my boyfriend came out?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-handle-intimacy-after-my-boyfriend-came-out-mghr4d

Q: How do I choose between my partner and my parents?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-choose-between-my-partner-and-my-parents-9sywr6

Question

The thing is... I told Dani we should stop seeing each other. We’ve been together for a year, and it’s not working — I want something serious, marriage one day, kids maybe. Dani’s cool, but it’s all just casual for them. Like, we’re at a party, and I introduce them as my boyfriend and they laugh it off like I’m joking. The thing is, I love them. I really do. But I can’t keep pretending we’re on the same page when my family already asks when I’m bringing him to Sunday lunch.

So when I said I needed space, Dani just... broke down. Said I was all they had, that they’d hurt themselves if I left. I stayed. Of course I stayed. But now I feel stuck. Every time I bring it up, it’s like a switch — they go from quiet to desperate, saying I don’t care, that I’m cold. The thing is... I do care. But this isn’t love, right? It feels heavy. Like I’m being punished for wanting a life.

Svitlana Melnyk · Answer

I went through something similar with my ex, and honestly it tore me up for months. I kept hoping they’d change, but the truth was in the little things — how they’d avoid labels, cancel plans last minute, never meet my friends. Sound familiar?

When I finally said I wanted out, they got quiet, then started guilt-tripping me. Said I was overreacting, that we could “figure it out.” But here’s what hit me: if walking away feels abusive, it’s probably because you’re being punished for setting a boundary. That’s not love. That’s control.

My advice? Cut contact for a few weeks. No checking their stories, no “just seeing how they are.” I did that, and it gave me space to remember why I left. Write down your reasons — not for them, for you. Read it when you miss them.

And ngl, it’ll hurt. I cried for days. But staying with someone who doesn’t want what you want? That hurts way more in the long run

What do I do when breaking up feels like abuse?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience