Why do I feel lonelier now than when I was single?

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Question

So we’ve been together 3 years, engaged for the last 6 months. Used to party a lot back in college—me and my fiancée both, but now she’s all about early dinners with her parents, church on Sunday, the whole deal. I’m down to support her but I feel… invisible? Like I’m talking to her and her eyes are already on the next family thing. When we were first dating it was fun, loud, messy—now it’s quiet. Too quiet.

I thought settling down would feel more full but it’s the opposite. I miss having someone really *see* me. She says I’m overthinking but I can’t shake this ache. Even when I bring it up she gets quiet or says 'we’ll work on it' but nothing changes.

I love her, I do, but I feel more alone now than I did when I was crushing beers with my boys and no one really knew my name. I don’t wanna lose her but I’m not sure I can keep pretending this doesn’t hurt. tbh I didn’t expect to feel this way after saying yes 💔

Lena Wagner · Answer

Objectively speaking, you’re not asking for much—just to be seen. I had this with my partner, the one who calls himself 'woke' until his mum calls and suddenly he’s back in 1950s family mode 😂 We nearly broke up because I kept quiet, thinking I was being ‘understanding’. But resentment built. I started scheduling ‘us time’ like it was a work meeting—non-negotiable. Every Friday, no parents, no church, no excuses. Just us at a bar, even if only for two hours. At first he moaned it ‘wasn’t efficient’ with all the weekend plans, but I said: This is not fair to me, and fairness matters. Try it. Pick one night. Claim it. Don’t ask—just say, ‘This is ours.’ You don’t need to return to college chaos, but you do need to exist together, not just beside each other. It’s okay to want noise sometimes. ❤️

Why do I feel lonelier now than when I was single?

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