Why do I feel lonely even though we're together?

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Question

So we've been dating for about 8 months now and things are... fine? But I keep feeling this ache, like I'm alone even when he's right there. He works long hours, which I get, but when he's home he's on his phone or zoning out in front of the TV. We barely talk unless it's about chores or plans. I tried bringing it up and he said he's just tired, which i believe, but it still hurts. ngl, I never thought I'd be the person missing my ex—but we were going through a rough patch before the separation and now I keep wondering if being alone is better than feeling invisible in a relationship. He's not mean or anything, just… absent. I dont know if this is normal or if I'm asking for too much. Like, is it really that much to want to feel seen? Sometimes I wonder if he even likes me or if he's just used to me being around. I dont want to be that person nagging all the time, but I also cant keep pretending I'm okay with this. What do I even do?

Sophia Martinez · Answer

i went through something similar with my ex and it sucked. we were together but i felt totally invisible. what helped me was setting a tiny routine—like, every night when he got home, i’d just say “hey, give me five minutes with no phone?” and we’d sit on the couch, no TV, no screens. sometimes we barely talked at first but just being present helped.

one thing i learned—loneliness in a relationship isn’t always about time, it’s about connection. try asking for one distraction-free thing per week. a walk. a coffee. even 10 minutes face-to-face. it sounds small but it can shift something.

and ngl, missing your ex now doesn’t mean you messed up ending it. it just means you’re craving closeness and aren’t getting it here. that’s valid. but don’t let grief for the past blur what you actually need now

Why do I feel lonely even though we're together?

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