Why won’t he call me his girlfriend in public?

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Question

We’ve been together 2 years already, and still, every time we meet his friends or work people, he introduces me as 'Joanne, a friend'. A *friend*. Last week at his company dinner, his colleague asked if I was his girlfriend and he laughed and said 'not yet lah'. Not yet what? What are we waiting for, a government permit?

At first I thought maybe he just shy, but now I’m starting to feel like I’m just someone to keep around when convenient. He treats me well one-on-one, very sweet, brings me to his family dinners, even my mum says 'this one quite serious one'. But in public? Nothing. Can’t even say 'my girlfriend'.

Is it me? Am I asking too much? Or is he just cannot make it when it comes to commitment? Even our mutual friends starting to give weird looks. One of them asked me point blank liddat — 'so are you guys together or not?' I didn’t know how to answer. Feel so stupid.

Like, what do I even do at this point? Just keep waiting?

Roya Tehrani · Answer

I’ve been there. 2 years in and still a 'friend'? that cuts deep. i dated someone who did the same thing — always introduced me like i was just some person he knew from yoga or whatever. i kept making excuses for him too. shy, not good with labels, doesn’t want to jinx it… blah. but honestly? it’s not about shyness. it’s about comfort, and if he’s not comfortable claiming you after two years, that’s a red flag.

like, think about it — he’s okay being all sweet in private but won’t say anything real when it matters. that’s not fair to you.

what helped me was finally saying something simple: 'hey, i noticed you never call me your girlfriend. that makes me feel unsure where i stand. can we talk about it?' not angry, just honest. and if he brushes it off again with jokes or excuses? that’s your answer right there.

you deserve to be proud of who you’re with. and if he can’t be proud to say you’re his, maybe it’s time to rethink whether this is really working.

Why won’t he call me his girlfriend in public?

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